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I have been meaning to write this post for a while, but per usual I become distracted by my demanding diva, I mean *ahem* baby.

Prior to having a child, I anticipated many things.  For example, I anticipated the sleepless nights.  However, I did not anticipate how extremely exhausting those sleepless nights are.  I did not anticipate how much of a bitch those sleepless nights would make me.  However, I have come a long way.  I can now prepare a bottle and change a diaper while half asleep.  I can also pretty much function with less than five hours of sleep.  I have learned how to adapt, I guess you could say.

Let me share other lessons with you (literally as I finished typing this, she starts screaming in her swing out of no where):

1. That whole getting ready in 1 hr, 15 min thing? Yea, lets extend that.  As soon as I lay Isabella down to sleep, I race to the bathroom to take a shower.  Some days I anticipate being able to shave my legs, but if Isabella begins to cry then I have no choice but to allow the hair to grow another day.  Oh, and sometimes I get into the bathroom with my two towels and she begins to cry.  So much for that attempt.  So, let's just say that I am able to shower.  Will I be able to put on my makeup? What about blow dry my hair? If I am able to put on makeup, blow dry my hair, and then straighten it ... well, then I am amazing.  That's all I will say about that.

2. It is no longer easier to go somewhere with a baby.  First of all, I have to get myself dressed (see above for that one), get her dressed, pack her diaper bag, and then put her in her huge ass car seat (seriously, the thing weighs a billion pounds), haul her into the car, run back into the house to grab my purse and diaper bag, then take off.  All of this takes approximately two hours if I am lucky.  Then, to actually pack her around in a store? I have to get my carrier out, take her out of her car seat and place her into the carrier, buckle her in and adjust, then I walk around the store hoping and praying she will sleep while I attempt to shop.  I am terrified to go anywhere by myself.  The few times I did, she screamed and cried.  You can always tell who is a parent and who isn't.  The parents act like it ain't no thang, but the non-parents side eye you and have the whole, "Well are you going to do anything about that screaming baby?" face.  Yea, it isn't pretty.

3. Eating dinner with your husband is a real treat.  Heck, eating WARM food is a treat.  Yep.  It's as if Isabella has a sense that her mommy and daddy are about to enjoy a meal together.  Oh no, she will not allow that! Cue the crying, and one of us has to put our plate in the microwave and soothe her while the other one eats.  We usually take turns with this task.  The few occasions where we were able to eat together, even if it was just Hamburger Helper, were quite special.

4. It takes about two hours to watch a television show.  We pretty much have to press "pause" every 5-10 minutes depending on what she needs.  Then, by the time we get a moment to sit and watch it through we have forgotten what it was all about.

5. Intimate time with your husband? You might as well forget that.  By the time you get your child to bed, the last thing on your mind is doin' the damn thing.  It's usually, "Ahhh (this would be a sigh) you wanna do it?" "Um, no I'm tired." "Yea, me too.  Goodnight, I love you." "Love you too." ZzZzZzZzz.

6. Your wardrobe pretty much sucks once you have a child.  First of all, your body is radically different, making it incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to fit in this pre-pregnancy clothes.  So, logic says that you go and buy yourself new clothes.  Instead, you buy way too many clothes for your baby because dressing them up is so much fun.  Those one pair of jeans with the holes in them and the shirt that is one size too small (totally revealing your muffin top)? Totally cool with you.

7. Getting spit up, peed, and pooped on is no big deal.  I have found baby poop underneath my finger nail and totally brushed it off as if it was nothing.  I wear spit in my hair like it is in style.

8. The two most common asked questions in your household are 1) Is she asleep?, 2) Where is the pacifier?

Perhaps this is the biggest lesson of all ...

8. I have learned that there is no love greater than the love I have for my child.  I never expected to feel this way.  I would throw myself in front of a train before I would allow anything bad to happen to my child.  Whenever she has tummy troubles, I want to take her pain away and put it all on me and multiply it times ten.  There is nothing I would not do for her.  She is the love of my life, and I do not regret one thing.  I love my new life.  Being a part of the mommy club is the absolute coolest.  I love being her mother.  The end.


Nov. 12th, 2012 09:54 pm (UTC)
I loved reading this, I can relate to each one of them!
Nov. 13th, 2012 12:43 am (UTC)
Haha! I love our daily e-mails because we are going through so much of the same stuff right now.



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